Back again to bring us his take on life with Cannabis, Johnny Hughes dives right into the rabbit hole this time as he explores the effects that Cannabis has had on his spirituality.
My first job was working for the Catholic Church as an ‘Altar boy’. There was no basic wage, you had to work weekend’s and the owner lived in the sky watching your every move. Still like any job it had its perks. From time to time there was a wedding on and you were guaranteed a small payment.
Between shift work at the church , evening rosary time at home and attending mass on Sundays I spent a lot of time at ‘God’s house’. How was it then that I never felt closer to this supreme being? Maybe I wasn’t doing it right or was I simply too young to attain spiritual enlightenment? Maybe it was only the elders who were getting something? I needed to find out.
On Sundays my parents would herd us into the car like cattle. Wearing clean faces and our Sunday best we would arrive a few minutes early and take our seats.
Looking around the church for enlightened beings proved to be difficult though. Firstly I was looking for something that I did not fully comprehend. It seemed that the purpose of the church was to get closer to God and so I deduced that to be closer to God one would be ‘God like’. So I began my search. Not one person in the whole place was floating. Not one. No light was emanating from any of the attendees nor were there any halos. Paying closer attention still It became more and more apparent that this place was not what it seemed. It was more of a gossip breeding ground with a half time fashion show than it was a holy place. I needed to get further away from the church and ironically maybe closer to God?
Should I stay or should I go
When I turned 16 my parents allowed me to decide if I wanted to go to mass anymore .
Thinking about the freedom I could be afforded I divorced the church.
Instead when my parents and younger siblings made the weekly trip to their church, I would go for a walk up the fields to my church. With the dogs at my side I would climb the old apple tree and fight the dragons with my sword. Victorious in battle I would move to the top of the field where I could see for miles. Green lush fields dotted the countryside with thick ditches bordering each. Birds flew above me and cattle grazed around me. I was in nature and nature felt good. Was this what God had in mind? Was this God’s church?
Some years later following my failure at college and the growing anxiety that came with it I looked for solitude. By chance I came across a book on meditation my brother Eddie left lying around. I sat down and began to read. The resounding message appeared to be that sitting in complete silence would bring me closer to God. Sounded fairly easy. I remember one night lighting a candle as was prescribed in the book. Sitting on my bed not uttering a word I tried to connect to God. I tried and tried but still no answer. Clearly he must have been on another call. Or maybe I couldn’t hear him because of all the static on my end. All the thoughts occupying my mind. My regrets from the past would crop up. Worries about what I was going to do in the future would take over and as a result paralyse me in panic. This wasn’t working either.
There’s something about Mary
Tinkering with the idea of Atheism based on a fruitless bounty over 20 years I stumbled upon a girl who would change my life forever. Her name was Mary Jane. I decided to bring her home.
I returned to the fields I knew so well , lay down and lit up. Silence. For the first time in my life I was not thinking. I was present in the moment. The concept of time was irrelevant. There was only now. A moment impossible to grasp yet a feeling impossible to let go of. A feeling of being connected. Not just to other people but to everything! A feeling that we are all connected. That a divine spark exists in all life. A spark that yearns to grow and expand. An energy that is vibrant.
Love. I felt love.
The Debate of existential matters will exist for as long as humanity exists. Ironically it appears that the answer to life’s big question will only be found at death.
In my humble opinion it all seems a bit too extravagant for there to be nothing .
Opinions galore but no one knows for sure.
For now I am happy to enjoy cannabis and connect with both myself and others on a deeper level. Cannabis for me is like a socket in the wall. You just need to plug in, connect to the energy and if you’re lucky you might just feel a spark.
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